Divorce Got You Down

February 24, 2016

Recently I have been inundated with people around me going through divorce.  I have quite a few clients who I have moved mountains with over their divorces.  We have healed a lifetime of wounds through our work together and through how they have expanded from their divorce.    Now maybe you are in a situation where your spouse has left you, either for someone else or just because they are unhappy.  Or maybe you have done something that they can no longer accept or trust you.  Whatever the case may be and no matter how tragic or final the situation feels I want to offer you a fresh perspective.  Everything that happens to us in life, is about our growth.  It is about us growing into the true souls that we came here to be.  When life is humming along or we are feeling complacent and possibly taking things for granted, we are not necessarily learning anything.  It's in the times of great challenge that we truly find out strength.  I believe when marriages end it's because we have wounds from long ago that need to be healed.  I know your thinking "how does a broken heart heal me?"  Well because there are great gifts and messages from your realtionship that just ended that you may not have seen before. Down the road you may see that the relationship was far from serving you both.  True unconditional love is wanting someone to be happy even if that means they are no longer married to you.  If you are both living a life where you cannot shine your light because you just can't find that together anymore, then maybe it is time for it to end.  Maybe it is time to stop romanticizing what you had and look at what you were really living and expereincing. I am not saying giving up is the best way but sometimes the relationship has truly run it's course in what you both needed to get from it.  If you are in a situation and you want the marriage to continue and the other person doesn't, then what can you do?  You can begin focusing on yourself  (crazy advice, I know)  begin to find out who you really are and what brings you joy.  If your answer is only this person and being married to them, then you have some work to do.  Take some time everyday and sit quietly, allow your mind to clear and just focus on your breathing.  Soon enough you will feel more at peace and will gain the control over your emotions to be ok with where you are.  If you are pushing the other person to get back together I am going to suggest you stop.  There is nothing like chasing someone to make them run faster.  Relax into what life is for you right now, appreciate all the things you took for granted before and get to know and love who you are.  This will help you to have more available when the person feels ready to reconnect.  Once you begin to spend time alone you may actually discover the real truth is that no one was really that happy.  Or maybe you discover that you were happy and you want a second chance.  In that case you can only create joy in your life right now and keep the light of hope alive for a reconciliation. Without pushing, without insisting.  Just creating the allowing energy of showing your spouse that you are worthy of great love and will feel that love for them even if they decide not to come back. Creating peace within the relationship and allowing them to have the space to heal or discover what they need is what can open up the relationship to a whole new light.    

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